this morning i woke up feeling dreadful..i didn't want to leave my bed..(my bed is really seductive at times) but i have to...coz i have to get my butt into church..i hate myself for hating to go to church...its seems like a religon duty to me...which should not be the case..haiz
finally got out of the house and yi ting messaged me that she and whit will not be going. Now, what can be better..haiz..i dread going even more now..but i have to.
Okay routine things in church today..had a guest speaker today..Rev. Mike Connell from New zealand..cute old guy..but powerful indeed..i never expected that..i can leave church feeling i want to come back again and again and again. well..i dunno...at the last part..he is calling all people to go towards the alter..all people who feel that they are not right with God or who have problems...everyone around me started going..i dunno why i went also..as i move towards the alter, the presence of god was stronger..then i prayed and i wanted to cry..dunno why..i felt so sorry that i keep running away from god and my father and my work..i just keep hiding...i sudden;y felt afriad but i went forward..the ushers led me to the front, right below the stage and a lady wanted to pray for me..suddenly came another person who started mumbling into my ear, holding my head...i was really trembling already..i dunno why i want to cry i really want to cry..but nothing came out..i just keep sniffing and shaking while the person keep praying and ask me to release..i tried but i can't cry..my mind was just in a total chaos, i just mumbled in tongue, then it seems like i lost all my energy, i fell back and laid onto the ground...for minutes i laid there..i knew the lady is still praying for me...i was totally..afraid..i dunno why i felt afraid..people were crying around me, some screaming, others praying...the band and singers were still singing, i just laid there...for a moment i felt peace..really i dunno why...i got up..still shaking..another usher helped me up..i look aorund..people were getting annoited..they were crying so hard..i want to too...i walk back to my seat, and held onto emmeline to calm myself down..but the shaking just din stop..she hugged me and started praying for me..this time my tears flowed..i cried and trembled..while she prayed..goodness..its really the first time i felt the presence of God so strong upon me..while i was leaving, i passed by christine and she saw that i was still shaking..so she talked to me..and prayed for me..she knew abit of my problems..especially those with my dad...so well..i dunno lar
I dunno why i typed this out..err..but well, i alwasy do things i dunno why i do..so..hehe
i am just glad he is back in my life...